Forward III: Ma and Pa

Hmmm. Since this is a blog, and readers (assuming I have readers) would have to catch up from the bottom, maybe I should have titled these first entries Backward instead of Forward. No matter! I promised not to diddle.

I suppose it's time to actually introduce the main character as this is supposed to be about him, after all, and not about me. (See Forward I to get an idea of how confusing that actually is.)

Okay, let's build a character. Got your blank slate ready? Good.

Clemsy Diggs is the one and only child of very successful farmers. Note that. Not a farmer and his wife. A farmer dad and a farmer mom. Both are equally farmers and Mrs. Farmer (Farmer? Not Diggs? What the hell?), being the indomitable force of nature that she is, would not take kindly to being known as "the farmer's wife." So if you should find yourself in an alternate 19th century Midwest and a few dimensions to the side and happen upon Mr. and Mrs. Farmer's snuggly farmhouse and curiously fertile fields, don't assume this to be a standard, patriarchal Christian home. Mrs. Farmer will, in no uncertain terms, eviscerate your assumption and I strongly recommend becoming a bit enlightened at that point as thunder and lightening do fall under "force of nature."

However, neither should you assume, the one assumption having been reduced to smoldering ashes, that this must then be your standard, New Age, matriarchal, pagan household. The Farmers would probably look at you for a moment, then commence with the kind of deep belly laugh that starts with "BWAAA HA HA!," rattles the dishes in the next room and unsettles the animals in the barn.

One could suspect this powerful, indeed archetypal couple through some kind of trans-dimensional leakage inspired the mythic figures of Zeus and Hera in our world. (Of course, human psychology would have twisted up the trans-dimensional reception some. Mr. and Mrs. Farmer are not brother and sister, and neither act like Mafioso loan sharks threatening to break your knees without the proper sacrifice.)

Anyway, the Farmers are well respected in their community, even if that community doesn't mind the day's carriage ride between that homestead and anyone else's. Ma and Pa Farmer can be a bit overwhelming.

That Clemsy is the product of this union does seem unlikely if not downright ironic. The Farmer's just put it down to the mischievous nature of the Great Creator, loved him to pieces and did the best they could. Of course his name was originally Clem, but it didn't take too long after toddlerhood for the continuing trips, scrapes, bangs, near misses, smashed pottery, and daily dunks in the pig trough for 'Clem' and 'clumsy' to become Clemsy.

Even Google knows what Clemsy means.